Wednesday, 19 December

Competitive Mom Syndrome

Have you noticed that our civilization has gradually become child-centric? A child stands in the solstice centre, mom’s interests and big money of the toy business rotating around it. Parents’ chats in the messengers are the latest thrillers of the present days. Adult vanity fair moved to the playground.

When we’re children and went to school, to catch hell from teacher meant to get an additive from parents at home. The parents berated for having been berated at school. Modern moms stand up with a single front against the class teacher, math teacher and a narrow-minded director.

All parents have learned about childhood traumas and fear to ask their kid to wash the dishes not to hurt the feelings.

Preschool development and a school education have long turned into an industry in which the more expensive the institution is, the smarter the child might become.

It’s believed that a little human mustn’t have a minute of free time, must learn a foreign language, two are even better, do sports and music, attend a speech therapist or a psychologist. “They won’t have time to think about foolish things”.

It seems sometimes that mothers of students from the prestige schools, who wait for their children at the classroom doors, don’t work. Often, they don’t. The basic self-realization of such women – to win an unheralded child caring competition. The main goals in life – to bring the biggest bunch of flowers to school, the best self-craft work, to book the most interesting excursion, to bake the best cake on Butter Week. The reduction in student performance of their son or daughter is taken as a personal fiasco or a defeat in the Third World War.

I’ve recently read a thought on the Internet that the traditional society can be defined by asking women a single question: “Who is more important – a husband or children?”. In the conservative, traditional, patriarchal society women would say: “A husband” – because the children born and die, but the husband is the only one until the death. Modern women would probably say that children are the most important. There could be as many husbands as you want, but there’s the only son, mommy’s sweetie pie.

At the opposite pole, child-free is a natural result of all this. Thanks, we’ve seen a lot. To dedicate the whole life to this little monster with eternally grubby hands and rootless hysterics? Deny career for diapers? To spoil the shape of the body… What for? We’re self-sustained, we don’t need your parenthood.

The imbalance of the system is always damaging, no matter what side it’ll tilt. In our case – the societal construction will suffer. Humanity has already outlived the era of large families, high infant mortality and corresponding attitude towards children. Recent child reign in the family is another extreme.

What can I propose? I propose to talk to children. To talk all the time, holding the hands during the walk, or at home while the dinner is being cooked. I propose to pull all efforts into answering their countless questions. Not to scold, but explain. Not to turn on Youtube, but read the books aloud. Not to demand the highest marks or the greatest achievements, but together search for talent and vocation.

I believe, it’s time to realize that the manipulation of the parental instincts brings billions every year, that a child can learn what happiness is without expensive gadgets and the modish dolls. I’m sure, the child needs the freedom of being responsible for their performance at school – yes, without control, reminders and punishments.

I’m firmly convinced that care and love shouldn’t be measured by the family budget expenditures.

Tetiana Monakhova

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